I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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