I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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