I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
nutella sex= disaster
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
