We won't sleep together?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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