she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize