i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
