He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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