8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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