I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
