I am puke
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
