Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
