I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
