And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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