My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
well most of my day revolves around power hour
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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