you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
