You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
