Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize