I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
