wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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