Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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