we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize