I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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