Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
