It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
