i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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