i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
