i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
