I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
