wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
whose parrot is this?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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