Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
