We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
