my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
