# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
