i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
