did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
