Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
