dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
