how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
50% drunk capacity currently
Just pee around me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
