Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
