New invention idea: vibrating tampons
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
