I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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