is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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