remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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