Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
