oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you didnt know i had herpes?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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