Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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