Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
