she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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