God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
