So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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