I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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