im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
