just come out here and I will go home with you...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
