There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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