I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
