If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
