a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
