oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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