kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
how drunk are you?
Several
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
