bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Randomize
