And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
