It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
