I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize