My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sext me about skeletons
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
