wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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