there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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