He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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