Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
