remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
