jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
