Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
