3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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