At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
