I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
