I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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