Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
