So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
