Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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