they need to just BURY HIM!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
