and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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