I'm jealous of your bromance
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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