it wasn't lemon gatorade
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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