lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
