I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he puts the penis in happiness.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
