i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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