dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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