my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize