The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
