I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
