Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
