My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
