She is in my trunk
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize