My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
