We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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