that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
