Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I forget how to act sober
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