party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
