we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
