My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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