The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
