So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
