Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think your dad took our porno
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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