It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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