That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
