Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize