he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i've created a new STD.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I believe in your delicious
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
