Just cropdusted the office
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
