There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
