someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
