I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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