I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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