my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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