She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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