WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
