Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
