just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
