i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
