let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
