Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize